the gypsie that tried to steal my borsa

dude. so some bitch finally tried to mug me. i mean, i was kinda waiting for it to happen, considering i run around all the time by myself at night, it was really only a matter of time before the statistics caught up with me. anyways, i guess i kinda asked for it, since after dinner mamma gianna had made lasagna so obvi i had fasted all day and then eaten my weight in meaty deliciousness, so then i was laying on the bed afterwards feeling very pleased but ill, and i knew that i would never complete all the italian homework that i had for the next day (because it was all the way across the room, and fuck that shit if i was going to get up and do it in my condition--plus i had actually lost the story i had to read and do a report on...), so i prayed really hard that i could have some sort of excuse not to go to italian the next day....and then of course God answered my prayers by having someone mug me!!!
anyways, so basically i was walking to elly's to watch the new episode of grey's anatomy and this guy comes up behind me and tries to grab my borsa. and i'm just like, fuck no, not only is my computer in my bag, but it has the new episode of grey's on it that cost $1.99 (that's 20 minutes of work at whole foods, fyi) and took like 50 hours to download since the network is so shitty at SUF. so basically i would rather risk getting shanked than for you to take my fucking hot-shit bag and computer/only connection to the rest of the world. so basically after i don't let go, he pushes me against the wall and i risk physical damage to my face (i am going to ireland this weekend and i need to be looking hot as shit for those gorgeous irish boys), i'm pretty much pissed as shit so i elbow him in the nose/break his nose and groin the bitch, so hopefully he will no longer be able to have children. baby-muggers, obvi, i was doing the world a favor. and then he comes back to get my purse YET AGAIN, except i was yelling at that point (i couldn't remember the italian word for help, so i basically just downed like a dying creature of some sort) and someone came around the corner with his dog and then the guy ran off. fairly lucky, i would think, because i wasn't shanked when in all reality, i probably should've been. plus i owned the bitch. i hope i broke his nose so badly, shards of it pierce his brain and he dies. slightly graphic, i apologize, but really, what a little bitch. the best part, however, was after telling mamma medi (elly's mamma) what had happened:

mamma medi: was he black?
me: no, he was white
mamma: not white, he was romanian.
me: what?
mamma: gypsies. gypsies are from romania.

now i do realize that all of italy's problems lay on the shoulders of the gypsies (and communists), since every time anything wrong happens in the world, mamma gianna always blames it on the communists or gyspies (she even called the monks in burma gypsies that were causing problems....). yet i actually laughed out loud when i saw how absolutely serious mamma medi was when she assuredly told me that it was the gypsies that had tried to steal my bag. elly's pappa, however, cheers every time i walk into the room, since i'm such a fucking champion, and all. obvi.

MORAL OF THE STORY:
1) when in doubt, just break someone's nose. that shit hurts, AND leaves dna (blood) and makes them look like babies when their eyes water up and they cry
2) if someone tries to steal your stuff, it was probably a gypsie.